Why I’m feeling a bit like Tom Hanks at the mo’…

I’m feeling a bit like Tom Hanks at the minute…. see, I’m on an urgent mercy mission before time runs out, and all I’m getting back is brick walls, setbacks, disillusion, disappointment and ultimately a sense of ‘is it worth the ‘kin bother?’.  For Tom Hanks, read Bob Backenforth and for the gaffers of the hundred Worcester pubs listed below, read ‘Private Ryan’. The only consolation is that unlike Tom in ‘Saving Private Ryan’ I don’t realistically expect to end up being carted-off feet-first as a result of my actions –  unlike the aforementioned Pte R.  Here’s the scenario… see, two weeks ago, I offered a free – I stress, FREE – lifeline to all those listed below requesting a few contact details, up to 250 words’ sales talk plus 250 words from me, plus photograph(s) that I would shoot for FREE, plus 10 things people might want to know about them plus selected customers’ comments, destination a FREE (that magic word again) entry on their own FREE (ditto) page on a brand new website exclusively dedicated to the preservation of Worcester pubs, lovingly crafted, professionally produced, sweated-over and paid-for by me – ie FREE.  And the response?  Nil. Nixxo. A blank. Bugger-all. Jack-sh*t.  I didn’t even get one acknowledgement: not even a curt ‘thanks but no thanks’.  Now, at risk of sounding ever so slightly bemused by all this – after all, latest figures indicate that 18 UK pubs are closing every week, a figure that I can see escalating even further come the New Year barring some kind of urgent shot-in-the-arm, and soon – could I ask one simple question: what’s wrong with you?  The words, ‘gift horse’ and ‘mouth’ are already springing to mind.  So, ladies and gentlemen of the following establishments – Alma, Anchor, Anchor (Kempsey), Angel, Albion, Bar 12, Barn Owl, Bedwardine, Bell, Berkeley, Berwick, Blackpole, Brewers, Brewery Tap, Bridge, Brunswick, Bull, Bush, Bushwackers, Cap’n’Gown, Cardinals Hat, Cavalier, Cellar Bar, Charlstons, Chestnut, Coach & Horses, Conservatory, Coppertops, Courtyard, Cricketers, Crown (Lloyds No1), Crown Bransford Road, Crown Kempsey, Crown & Anchor, Dragon, Eagle Vaults, Farmers Boy, Farriers, Firefly, Fox, Garibaldi, Glovers Needle, Goodrest, Grosvenor, Gun, Halfway, Hand in Glove, Timberdine, Herefordshire House, Horn & Trumpet, Keystones, Kings Head, Lakes, Lamb &Flag, Lansdowne, Lyppard, Manor Farm, Maple Leaf, Marwood, Metro, Mode, Mount Pleasant, Mug House, New Chequers, New Inn, Oak Apple, O’Neills, Old Rectifying House, Paul Pry, Perdiswell, Pheasant, Pig’n’Drum, Plough, Plumbers, Portobello, Postal Order, Prince of Wales, Punchbowl, Raven, Retreat, Royal Exchange, Saracens Head, Sebright, Severn View (Vue Bar), Slug’n’Lettuce, Star Bar, Swan, Swan with Two Nicks, Swan Martin Hussingtree, Swan at Whittington, Talbot Hotel, Talbot Kempsey, Toby Carvery, Vibe Mode, Vine, Virgin Tavern, Walter de Cantelupe, West Midlands Tavern, Wheatsheaf, Whitehall, White Hart, Winning Post, Ye OldeTalbot – please at least have the courtesy to respond to someone who only wants to help.  If you don’t have the heart, the time or the skills to put together 250 words, I’ll do it for you. For a few pennies more, I can bring the skills of a pubs-passionate multi-award winning ex-nationals journalist, film-maker and marketeer to bear at a time that, I can’t help but feel, it’s never been more needed.  Not too much to ask, is it?  

 

Woke up this morning, feelin’ fine…

…there’s something special on my mind (funny…. where’ve I heard that before?)   First off, a doctor’s appointment concerning my blood pressure and blood sugar levels where I’ll no doubt come away with yet another rap over the knuckles about how much time I’m devoting to my hobby of visiting Worcester’s pubs alongside a prescription that includes that dreaded flatulence and diarrhoea inducer, metsoddingformin: life just gets better and better, don’ it?  After that, it would have been breakfast in The Postal Order except that I was ticketted – right, shown the door!  Me, for crissakes! – a week or two back for remonstrating with first, a 12-year old barman, then the 15-year old manager and then a 45-year old customer who ought to have known better, for being pushed in front of in the queue.  Don’t know about you, but I bloody hate that and the Postal Order is notorious for it. Shame really, ‘cos I really was quite partial to their super-value Trad Breakfasts. Anyway, for reasons that will become all-too obvious when you see what’s on the agenda, I’m on foot today, so the alternative mega, belt-bustin’, gut-wrenchin’ two million-calorie breakfast at The Anchor in Diglis is out of the question – not least on account of the aforementioned metformin and its unwelcome side-effects.  But I’ll manage somehow, ‘cos it’s gonna be a Big Day for me and Ms Nikon. First off, if you’re in town, you’ll like as not see me photographing some of the pubs in the City centre that Mick B. and I couldn’t quite manage to get round in the sunshine on Tuesday when we did a trawl of 42 for a video of The A-Z of Worcester Pubs which should be completed and on line here and on You Tube early next week.  Which were they?  I’ll tell you:  Albion, Alma, Anchor, Barn Owl, Bedwardine, Bell, Berkeley, Blackpole, Brewers Arms, Brunswick, Bush, Coach and Horses (OK Lloydie’s Bar), Cap’n’Gown, Fox, Garibaldi, Glovers Needle, Goodrest, Halfway House, Herefordshire House, Kings Head, Lakes, Lansdowne, Lyppard, Manor Farm, Maple Leaf, Mug House, New Chequers, New Inn, Old Rectifying House, Perdiswell, Plough, Portobello, Raven, Severn View, Swan, Talbot, Vine, Virgin, White Hart, Whitehall and Winning Post. Just another 53 to go. I’ll keep ya posted on progress.Then, mid-afternoon, you’ll find me at Day #1 of the Worcester Beer, Cider and Perry Festival on Pitchie. In fact I aim to be one of the first there for the simple reason that I’ll be producing another video of CAMRA’s Big Boozy’n’Beery Alefest and Bashorama, same as last year.  Watchya mean you missed it?  No probs… technology being what it is, you can access it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOGNFUcdL94    The 2012 edition will like as not go on line on Sunday (or maybe Monday, bearing in mind my Saturday appointment). Don’t go ‘way:  this ain’t ‘alf going to be fun….promise!